Family intervention and introduction

We feel upset because we cry a lot. We feel sad and mad and angry. We were surprised and shocked when we heard the news. I used to feel sad, but now I feel mad and sad, and sometimes a little crazy. Most of us feel some amount of confusion about what is happening in our families and confusion about how we feel.

As a six-year-old I was just confused, and I was wondering how my life was going to change. And I didn't have any siblings to go through it with so I kind of had to do it on my own. I was confused a lot, but until I was maybe 12, it was just "go with the flow. "The voices you just heard are a tiny sample of the millions of children who have experienced changes in their family that also involve the family court. Whether parents have been married and are now separating or divorcing,or whether parents have never been married and need to make custody arrangements regarding their children,the court system in California is designed to assist families through this sometimes overwhelming experience. It was difficult watching my daughter go through various levels of grief. 

It took some years, it was frustrating at times,but I hung in there, as did her mother, and we kept everything about the best out come for our daughter. California law requires that parents attend mediation if they do not agree about custody or parenting time with their children. This process is referred to as Child Custody Recommending Counseling in some courts.

Mediation and Child Custody Recommending Counseling are similar in most ways. My name's Dan.  How are you? I'm going to be your mediator today. Mediation is a process in which parents spend time with a neutral, specially trained professional who will listen to their concerns and help them develop a parenting plan that meets the needs of their family. What bothered me the most was that I wouldn't get to see my daughter every day, and that kind of weighed on me.

When parents first come to court it's scary, and anxiety is heightened,and people are just not able to focus like they normally would in every day circumstances. They have a fair amount of pessimism about what can possibly be achieved in there, and when you think about it it makes sense,because people come to court precisely because they can't talk, and then the first thing they're told to do is please go and try to talk. So as mediators we try to acknowledge those feelings and recognizing, as well, that people do heal.

We want to give them an opportunity to consider all kinds of options and an opportunity to come up with their own plan that they can develop and custom-fit to the needs of their children, focusing not on Mom's rights or Dad's,but, again, getting both parents to channel that energy into what's best for the kids.

Most courts in California have a Family Court Services program or other mediation programto help parents mediate their parenting concerns. What I explain to parents is that there are three goals in mediation.  The first goal is to try to help them come up with a plan. The second goal is that that plan needs to be in the child's best interest, so it's not necessarily what either parent may want,but it's what's going to be best for the child. The third goal is to help the parents reduce acrimony and bitterness between them, so that the children won't suffer as a result. Child custody mediation is conducted by court mediators who are skilled professionals in the field of psychology, marriage and family child counseling, or social work.

By statutory requirements everyone is trained in the area of domestic violence,the impact of domestic violence on children, also substance abuse, family dynamics, issues of child abuse…A lot of us have experience in the field working either as therapists with families, with kids…Because of our education and training, we're able to navigate some of those very difficult situations that parents and children face.